Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are unhappy and you cannot pinpoint a specific reason? That is where I find myself now. I have a great family, a good job and I am relatively young and healthy. When I look at my life on paper, I don’t have any reason to be discontented with my life. However, I feel like there is something missing from my seemingly perfect life. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I have been feeling this way for several months now. After many restless nights and deep thought and self reflection I have determined that I am not content with my life because I am not content with myself.
When I was a child, I had so many thoughts and visions for what my adult life would be like. My reality is definitely a far cry from what I thought it would be. Although I have a good job, it is not fulfilling. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life”? Well, I definitely work everyday, EVERYDAY.
Even though my desires have changed since I was in high school, I know that I am not even pursuing any desires right now. I am in a rotten place of simply maintaining what I have. Sometimes I feel like I am not even living my life but that my life is living me. Over the past several years I have been doing all things that I thought were necessary for my job or my family. I have been completely neglecting the other parts of me. I have lost my sense of purpose and even worse my identity.
I have a big birthday coming up in just a few days. I realized just how lost I was when someone asked what I had planned for this milestone birthday and I didn’t even have a response. Not only did I not have any plans but I couldn’t even think of anything that I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday.
So now I am faced with these questions that I don’t have answers to, I don’t even know how to find the answers I am looking for.
What do I enjoy doing?
What would I be doing with my time and energy if I didn’t have to go to work?
Outside of my family, what is important to me?
What do I want to experience before I die?
I feel that I should be able to answer these questions. I am hoping that I will not only find the answers to these questions but that I will also discover the path that my life should be on so that I can finally get off of this circular track.