Personal growth

10/16/2014

Personal Growth

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are unhappy and you cannot pinpoint a specific reason? That is where I find myself now. I have a great family, a good job and I am relatively young and healthy. When I look at my life on paper, I don’t have any reason to be discontented with my life. However, I feel like there is something missing from my seemingly perfect life. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I have been feeling this way for several months now. After many restless nights and deep thought and self reflection I have determined that I am not content with my life because I am not content with myself.

When I was a child, I had so many thoughts and visions for what my adult life would be like. My reality is definitely a far cry from what I thought it would be. Although I have a good job, it is not fulfilling. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life”? Well, I definitely work everyday, EVERYDAY.

Even though my desires have changed since I was in high school, I know that I am not even pursuing any desires right now. I am in a rotten place of simply maintaining what I have. Sometimes I feel like I am not even living my life but that my life is living me. Over the past several years I have been doing all things that I thought were necessary for my job or my family. I have been completely neglecting the other parts of me. I have lost my sense of purpose and even worse my identity.

I have a big birthday coming up in just a few days. I realized just how lost I was when someone asked what I had planned for this milestone birthday and I didn’t even have a response. Not only did I not have any plans but I couldn’t even think of anything that I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday.

So now I am faced with these questions that I don’t have answers to, I don’t even know how to find the answers I am looking for.

What do I enjoy doing?

What would I be doing with my time and energy if I didn’t have to go to work?

Outside of my family, what is important to me?

What do I want to experience before I die?

I feel that I should be able to answer these questions. I am hoping that I will not only find the answers to these questions but that I will also discover the path that my life should be on so that I can finally get off of this circular track.

5 Comments

Alyssa link

10/17/2014 04:34:51 pm

I love this! It is innovating, inspiring, and refreshing. Thanks for sharing your journey with us! I hope u find all that u r looking for!!!

Tiffany

10/17/2014 10:58:14 pm

Hi Alyssa! Thank you for such kind and encouraging words. Most of all thank you for joining me on this journey! I truly hope that is beneficial to you as well!

Erika

10/17/2014 05:29:06 pm

TIFFANY,
Wow that was a real eye opener for me, it's very refreshing. You made it easy for individuals like myself to question those very words "what's my purpose"? Sometimes I feel like my purpose is just to be a mommy and a wife but I know it's more than that but I just don't know exactly what it is some days. We have to take the time to find our purpose and embrace our happiness.
Thank you for sharing your journey, I look forward to reading many more.

10/17/2014 11:03:17 pm

Hi Erika!
I'm so glad that you have decided to join me on this journey! I am especially grateful that my journey can have a positive affect on your own journey!

Angelo

10/21/2014 03:00:45 am

Thanks for your insightful and honest reflections of your experience thus far. This is what came up for me. First, there is no there there. That even when I think I've reached the (fill in the blank). There is always more to see more to do more to be more to know. I'm still learning how to live in the mystery, however uncomfortable it might feel sometimes. It is where I feel most alive. I don't have to have all the answers all the time. Regarding happiness, this helped me,"happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the Spiritual experience of living every moment with love, grace, and gratitude."
Your share brought me back to this poem:
Go to the limits of Your Longing (God Speaks to each of Us)
"God speaks to each of us as He makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall, go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like a flame and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

Near here is the land that they call Life
You'll know when you arrive
By how real it is

Give me your hand."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

So my prayer for you today is that you continue to find Tiffany daily. That you invite all of her always. That you can see her in glimpses of her infinite nature as well as her shadows that provide yet another spot for good to show up.
I've loved you from before you were born and I will love you forever. And, most importantly maybe I love you now right where you are.
May you know peace
Angelo (Dad)

Personal growth

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